• Resentment

    Growing up I could not understand why I could not stay mad at people for a very long time even the mean girls that made my life “miserable” as I thought back then, my mother would tell me that I had no backbone and that I needed to be a little more mean to this girls so I tried it and it only made me feel so bad about myself that I stopped, don’t get me wrong I have done some mean things to people that I had to forgive myself for and those people probably still dislike me most of that happened in my early 20’s when my life was a little bit of mess. After I met my husband I who is also my soul mate my life seemed PERFECT we got married and 2 weeks later I got sick. I had 2 surgeries the year before I met him for a benign tumor that i was born with outside of my colon/beginning of my rectum, a doctor did a biopsy and it got very infected well after they told me it as gone it came back and now with a vengeance it was supper infected and no doctor wanted to touch it because it was a very sensitive area, I spent 9 months of the worst pain and several exploratory surgeries trying to find a doctor to do remove this tumor.

    I called the Mayo clinic and they said no but I know a guy in PA that would do it for you we made an appointmet and went to se Dr.H who tells me that he wants to give me a COLOSTOMY bag I thought what he is nuts i am not going to that he is crazy and then he told me that is the only thing that will take your pain away so I said when can we do it….. My butt hurt so much I could not wait to be able to sit on it again not to mention sleep again.

    2 weeks later I get my bag (too bad gucci didn’t make them) but the pain got so much worse, called the Dr. and he said to wait 15 weeks before he can do the surgery to remove the tumor, I wanted to punch his nurse thru the phone I was always angry back then because living in pain makes you angry, sad, and mean. At least it did to me. After a couple of phone calls to Dr.H he decided to see me just to take a look at the tumor with a huge scope, yes up my butt.
    to his surprise but not mine the tumor got super infected the last 2 weeks which explains the unberable pain he decided to do surgery the next day… Yippie!!! “The surgery is only going to take 40 minutes” says the doctor.

    Next day comes I go into surgery and 3 hours and 40 minutes later I come out form surgery my poor husband and mother-in-law are waiting for me in the family waiting area, My husband tells me that Dr.H came out sweating said to him “how did she live for that long in that much pain” Duhh I was trying to tell you that Mister.
    Dr.H also tells them that the biopsy that a young D.r order for me 2 years ago was the worst idea ever because that area of the body should never be biopsed and than I had an infection that had been growing inside of my body for 2 years so the surgery took so long because he had to scrape it off from the organs in my Peritoneal cavity one more month and you would of been dead.

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